Remedy This!
by Glitter Puff
Summary: One day I was in the video store and saw the first season of Buffy in the Horror section and this story was born. I found this funny and hope you do too.


The store was relatively quiet. It was Sunday so not many people were in the mall. The Horror section of the video store was peaceful until when they awoke they noticed a stranger in their midst. Pinhead looked to his left and noticed new face looking at him. He blinked several times trying to figure out who this strange looking person was.  
This girl was infuriating. She hadn't done anything yet and he already wanted to rip her soul apart. He turned to his right and looked to the Exorcist. "Regan? You awake yet?" he asked the still sleepy eyed demonically possessed adolescent? Regan blinked a few times to remove the bits of green stuff from her eyes. "What" she rasped? "Who is that" the Cenobite questioned pointing to their new comer.  
She regarded this new box with much disdain. "I do not believe it" Regan groaned. "What" Pinhead asked with growing frustration? "Did you read the title" she asked? "No more tricks mortal. You know that with these contacts I can't see well enough to read anything" He shot back out at her. Regan rolled her eyes and sighed.  
"Pinhead, it's Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Pinhead was so shocked he dropped his puzzle box, which proceeded to open sending him back to hell. Regan slapped her hand over her eyes and shook her head. She got up from her DVD case and walked across the shelf to his. After a few minuets of cursing and struggling she figured out how to open the portal again. After zapping back into view he promptly fainted. Regan grabbed him by the pin at the very tip of his nose and shook him until he woke up.  
"Regan, I just had the strangest dream. I dreamed that some one put the first season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the Horror Section. How dumb was that?" He laughed a little in relief. When he noticed the expression on Regan's face he very slowly turned his head to the left. He screamed like a little girl when he saw that it wasn't a dream after all. "Compose yourself" Regan scolded.  
"Perhaps we should try to talk to it" Regan said stepping behind Pinhead peaking out from behind his back. "You're right we should talk to it" he responded moving behind Regan crouching behind her so he was barely able to look over her shoulder. "Yes we should" Regan quickly turned around dashing behind the Cenobite and giving a good shove toward Buffy. "Me, why me" Pinhead asked turning to face her? "Well, for one thing you're bigger than me and more intimidating." They stood there bickering for a while.  
All the noise was preventing Pennywise from sleeping in. This was not going over well with the demonic clown. Pinhead and Regan were startled by Pennywise jumping from the shelf above them. "What is with all the noise" The clown demanded? "Somebody put Buffy the Vampire Slayer in our Horror section" the two characters replied in unison pointing to the box perched in the middle of the shelf. Pennywise was taken aback by the sight.  
"So what are we going to do about this" the clown asked? "That's what we were trying to decide" Regan said shooting a glare at Pinhead. "What" the Cenobite asked? "I suggested one of us go talk to it and try to find out how it got here, but Mister Big Bad and Pointy here is scared of it." Pinhead stared at Regan is utterly appalled. "Excuse me" He exclaimed! "I am not afraid of, of that. I don't want to talk to it because it is beneath me. What if it touches me? Do you have any idea how hard it is to disinfect leather?"  
"He has a point there" Pennywise chimed in nodding his head in agreement to what Pinhead had said. None of them wanted to get near the box because they didn't want to soil their reputations. If any of the other Horror characters were to see them talking to Buffy they would be ruined. If they didn't have their reputations then what would they have? They would have a whole lot of nothing. That's what.  
Pinhead then had a moment of clarity. "You know if we continue to stand here like a bunch of idiots the others will think that we are scared of her and then we will be worse off than if we were seen talking to her." The other two characters agreed. So taking the lead Pinhead walked over to the box in question and politely knocked on the cover. A Smiling blonde haired girl Popped out of the DVD case.  
"Oh" she gasped after coming face to face with a stone faced Pinhead. "Are you lost little girl" he asked? "What?" She questioned looking around her. She pointed up to the sign hanging from the ceiling indicating that this was the Horror Section. "Not lost at all, see." Pinhead sighed and looked back at Pennywise and Regan. Both were staring daggers at the girl who dared to say she was worthy to be under the title. "What's your name child" The Cenobite asked keeping his cool. "I'm Buffy, nice to meet you" She held out her had for him to shake it but his arms remained crossed over his chest.  
The Cenobite barely contained a shudder of disgust but regained his composer. "You don't seem very friendly" Buffy replied pouting slightly. "Stop that" he said after delivering a hard slap across her face. Buffy stumbled a few steps but not falling she was stunned. Pennywise and Regan found it hysterically funny and had yet to stop laughing. Even the zombies from "Dead Alive" were cracking smiles at her humiliation.  
"Okay, I was trying to be nice but you asked for it." Buffy did one of those fancy spinning kick things that she always seems to do. When her foot connected with the Cenobite's chest he didn't move an inch. Instead the impact caused Buffy to fall backwards landing on her ass. "How" she asked? "Whatever your powers are, they don't work outside of the T.V. section". Pennywise and Regan were enjoying the show. "What the hell is a Buffy" Pennywise asked Regan? Regan only shrugged.  
Suddenly the DVD case popped open and a weird nerdy, guy came walking out. "Hey Buffy, why are you on the floor" he asked? "Xander, help me up." Xander reached down taking hold of Buffy's hand and pulled her to her feet. "Excuse me" Pinhead said getting their attention. "Wow, you're Pinhead" Xander said in amazement. "Yes, yes I am."  
"I've seen all your movies. You're like my favorite horror movie villain of all time." Pinhead stopped himself from laughing at this boy's enthusiasm. "Though dude, what happened in the third movie?" Pennywise and Regan cringed. Everyone gasped. There is one golden rule of the Horror Section. Never ask Pinhead about the third Movie. Pinheads eyes went black as he began fuming. "What's wrong with him" Xander asked Buffy?  
  
Before she could answer him there was a fish hook imbedded in his back attached to a chain that was dragging him closer to the enraged Cenobite. Pinhead removed a blade form his belt and with his finger wrenched the mortal's mouth open. "We don't speak of the third movie" He said just before cutting out Xander's tongue. With a quick jerk the chain which was attached to the hook in Xander's back retracted taking the hook and a large chunk of the boy's flesh with it to where ever it had come form.  
Xander attempted to tell Buffy that he was going back in the box but only managed to spray her with the blood that was currently pouring out of his mouth. Wiping the blood and spittle off her face Buffy turned to Pinhead and opened her mouth poised to say something. "Don't worry about him. He'll be fine as soon as he get back to the show, where I suggest you get immediately." Pinhead said cutting off what every her train of thought was. "Now, shoo, get" Regan encouraged from the side lines. Pennywise still hadn't stopped laughing from what the Cenobite did to the boy and was rolling on the shelf.  
Buffy didn't say anything as she walked back to her DVD case. Though just before she went back inside she turned to the assembled monsters and was going to give them a sever tongue lashing when Regan gave her a face full of green projectile vomit. Aghast and disgusted Buffy slammed the cover of the DVD. It took the horror characters at least five minuets to stop laughing at the absurdity of the situation.  
While they were still laughing and snorting an employee of the video store came walking by. He didn't notice the small group on the shelf but her noticed when a tiny hook attached to a tiny chair embedded itself in his arm dragging him back to the Horror Section.  
Once in front of the shelf and now at eye level with its occupants by the chains manipulation he noticed them. "Something wrong guys" he asked? With her most serious face Regan pointed to the offending box. "Remedy this" she told him. "If we ever see this or anything like it in our Horror section again, your suffering will be legendary even in hell" Pinhead added. Pennywise didn't say anything but his expression promised murder if he didn't comply. The hook and chain released the store clerks arm and he grabbed the Buffy DVD off the shelf. "Sorry, man you guys are cranky this morning." 


End file.
